Funny Friday Pt. 5

Two things…

1) I accidentally skipped the 5th Funny Friday and posted the 6th.  So today is number 5 not 7…

2) I’ve been late with the Funny Friday posts lately, so this weeks I will post early.

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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”

The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

Onions

So besides the fact that onions seem to be commonplace, onions have a place in Disney/Pixar history…  Can’t remember?  I’ll give you an ogreish hint… Shrek!

Yep, that lovely ogre is the inspiration for today’s post.

Shrek: Ogres are like onions.
Donkey: They stink?
Shrek: Yes. No.
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry.
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Oh, you leave em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs.
Shrek: NO. Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.
[sighs]
Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions.

Except in my version you can replace the word ogres with humans.

Humans have a tendency to put up a facade.  We want to portray an image of ourselves that lessens the chance that we will be looked down upon by those around us.  So we add a layer to our personality and adjust to those we want to fit in with.

The problem with this is that sometimes those layers are incompatible with who we really are.  It’s like adding a layer of peanut butter on top of the onion.  It’s a layer none the less, but it belongs nowhere near the onion.

As a Christian we have this want and need to align ourselves with what God has in store for us.  He slowly peels back all of the layers of crap we have built up around us in order to reveal what He has made “good”.  In this case, it’s an onion.

“But then we are all the same, and no one has a personality.  I don’t want to be a copy. I am an individual.”, you might say.

Well guess what?  You are an individual.  There’s just this common bond that we all share.

Each onion has a different thickness, shape, taste, and a varying number of layers.  If that’s not enough, then some onions are destined to be caramelized on fajitas, chopped up in soups, or used to garnish salads.  Each is a differing scenario in which onions are used, but the characteristics of the onion all come through in each.

The same thing with humans…  God can use us no matter what.  Even the peanut butter onions…

The trick is letting God use you and to have a willingness to listen, no matter your current state.

Some people put up a front of humor in order to hide the pain that’s inside.  While others seem mean-spirited and calloused, but have a soft nougaty center (think Ebeneezer Scrooge).  There’s also the people who wear their emotions on their sleeve.  They just want attention, someone to help them recognize who they truly are, and to stand beside them in their joy and sorrow.  All have layers, it just that the inner onion is waiting to come out.

So what’s with the layers of onion?  If this is about shedding the layers of crap, then why do we need an onion with layers?

It goes back to the whole individual aspect.  We each have our own opinions, personalities, and purposes.  Our own spot in the body of the church.  It’s not that one is greater than the other, we just have a different part to play.   The commonality is revealing the fact that God wants a relationship with everyone and He paid a great price to get it.

Funny Friday Pt. 6

Santa Claus needed a vacation. He decided to go to Texas because
it was warm and he had heard that the people were friendly. As
soon as he arrived in town, people began to point and say, “Look!
The big red one! Isn’t he someone famous?

Santa thought, “Gee, I’ll never get any rest if people star asking
to sit on my lap and try to tell me things they want.” So he
decided to disguise himself. He bought a cowboy outfit complete
with cowboy boots and cowboy hat. “No one will know me now, I look
just like everyone else!” he thought happily.

As soon as Santa started walking down the street people began to
point and say, “Look! It’s that famous Christmas personality!”
Santa rushed around a corner to hide.

“It’s my beard!” he thought. “They recognize me because of my long
white beard!” So Santa went to a barbershop and had his beard
shaved off. “I really look like everybody else now!” Santa thought.

So he walked down the street with a big smile on his face.
Suddenly a man shouted, “It’s him! It’s him! Look everybody!”

Santa couldn’t believe it. He was sure that no one would recognize
him. So Santa walked up to the man and said, “How did you
recognize me?”

The man looked at Santa and said, “You? I don’t know you, but
isn’t that four-legged guy with the big red nose behind you
Rudolph?”

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What do you call a group of chess fanatics bragging about their
games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

Questioning Heaven

So a guy by the name of John Smulo has started a series on Questioning.  In his first Questioning post, the topic of heaven is brought up.  I would highly recommend you read the questions and comments here.

In the comments, Bruce linked an article from TIME.  In it Bishop N.T. Wright is interviewed about Christians view on heaven.  I must admit…  Some of these things I struggled with about 4 years ago.  I’ve never totally dealt with them, but Bishop Wright seems to put into words some of the different things I had thought about.

Catch the article here.

To be honest I’m sort of speechless right now, as this has brought up a lot of things in my head.  Feel free to head on over and comment on John Smulo’s blog.  Or if you feel more comfortable we can get a discussion going over here.

Once I get my thoughts straightened out more, I’ll delve into this topic in another post.

Please Pass the Gravy

Mmmm… Food.  I absolutely love food.  Not that I have a liking for every vegetable or ethnic dish, but my horizons have expanded over the past few years.

There is one great thing about food that is better than texture or flavor…  It brings people together.

Anything from snacks to full out grandma’s cookin’ has the ability to bring people into close relationship with each other.  Some of the best times I’ve had with friends and family have been at a dinner table or cooking over a campfire.  I don’t think it’s a coincidence either…

It allows you time to relax, sit-down, and enjoy each others company.  No need to worry about work or school, just plop on a scoop of mashed potatoes and ask for someone to, ‘Please pass the gravy.’

The more you can clear your mind, I think, the more enjoyable a meal is.  It allows you to focus on things like:  color, taste, texture, and aroma, of the food.  When is the last time you actually savored that bite of pizza instead of shoveling it in while watching a football game?  The crispiness of the homemade crust, the balance of sweetness and acidity of the tomato sauce, the slight caramelization of mozzarella and/or parmesan cheese, and the savory taste of garlic, oregano, and pepperoni.  Sounds delicious doesn’t it?

It’s just that…  All of those characterizations exist every time we eat.  We just need to take the time to thank God for providing such wonderful food for us and enjoying the fact that you can share such wonderful things with your friends and family.

I think wine sommeliers have a one-up on us other folk.  They take the time to check for the color, texture, aroma, and every tasteful nuance of a wine.  While we see who can down their slushy the fastest and survive the ensuing brain freeze.

So I challenge you to take at least one meal this next week and savor every bite of it.  Actually pick out the flavors in your meal and see what textures you can find.  I promise the food will keep improving the more you do it.

Do you have any thoughts?